Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Liz Gallagher and Arlene Ang, will be crossing the Atlantic next week for the second leg of Liz's Maximus Miracle Virtual Book Tour for her new book The Wrong Miracle (Salt Publishing 2009). To meet Liz complete in her Superwoman costume check out the first leg of her tour on Arlene's blog The Event Museum. Each tour host was asked to provide Liz a list of questions after reading her book. I was a bit shy about asking questions, but Liz is one of those caring individuals that makes you feel immediately at ease. I discovered yesterday after reading Arlene's wonderful interview that I am supposed to cook dinner. I ask what exactly do you feed Superwoman and a poet dressed in a moovelous cow patterned unitard. I am thinking Beef is out of the question. I am thinking that neither one has ever been to a Louisiana Crawfish Boil (except its not crawfish season), perhaps an East Texas Catfish Fry, I was thinking the Southern tradition of Chicken Fried Steak, Cream Gravy, and Mashed Potatoes (except for that small problem of beef). I am leaning towards the fish fry, fried potatoes and onions, coleslaw, hush puppies (no small animals involved) and strawberry shortcake. I will be wearing my leopard print jogging suit that Arlene gave me. Let me know if your coming, so there will be plenty of food.

Bio-Sorta
This is the photo I am going to use on my bio-page for my chapbook. I hate photos of myself, it seems my own image of me and my actual image of me are vastly differently, on the inside I am thin, blond and have no gap between my front teeth, I also am not quite the goober I am in real life. Not near as klutzy or goofy, sentimental and the inside me doesn't snort when she laughs or burps like a seal or crys everytime she watches Bambi or laughs throughout the entire movie Pulp Fiction. I am getting excited about the book, mostly because I chose poems that were important to me, that goofy, goober, klutzy me that holds the family table-lore record for once laughing so hard that she snorted broccoli out her nose. I am mostly groovy and feeling happy and blessed.

Monday-itis



I have a problem with Mondays. They come every 7th day no matter how hard I petition the powers to be, they are as regular as clockwork. Tick-tock. I had a good weekend, however as is the case of late, I am still so far behind that I am beginning to get embarrassed, I managed to write questions for Liz Gallagher's book blog tour that begins on October 28th, on Arlene Ang's blog and moves to my blog sometime the first week of November ( I had told Liz I would have the questions to her in September). I managed to get my house mostly clean, and groceries bought, and yesterday it was girl scout meeting and my day to provide the youth supper at the church. I love interacting with the youth group, mostly I keep my involvement low-key for Rachael's sake, but I love when it is my day to cook (but am thankful that is comes around once every 6 months). Perhaps it is a combination of the satisfaction of cooking for a large group, and part the joy of seeing so many young people who are joined in the spirit of faith and community, or perhaps it is because I get to eat cake. Whatever it is, I feel blessed because of it, and this time I had pineapple upside down cake (yum).

This week is my first time returning to a full schedule, I am still coughing, and still on antibiotics for another 4 days, but almost well, I am sleeping 10 hours a day, and exhausted by 7:00 pm every evening, but at least I am falling no further behind. The doctor indicated it might be 3-4 weeks before I was 100%. I am on travel this week, and I suspect I will collapse at the end of the day, but feel confident I can get my job done. I exercised for the first time in 3 weeks yesterday and while I moved slowly and took breaks, I managed almost 2 miles on the treadmill, tonight I am going to try to do my workout video. The photo, a raw photo (one I have not edited) I love the vibrancy of the marigold. I have been trying to teach myself a new photo processing software, but am still way behind the learning curve, and I find myself going back to the easier software. I am just rattling--to avoid the chore of Monday. I am mostly groovy, despite it being Monday.

Coming Soon


My chapbook will be out next month from Flutter Press, and I did not realize how excited I was until this week when I started working on the cover. This is the 4th cover I have done since Monday, but it feels right. I am still recovering, this week has been tough, after work every day I am ready for bed by 7:00. I am still coughing a new set of lungs and yesterday the doctor called in another round of antibiotics for the bronchitis, I am hopeful this round will knock it out. I am looking forward to a low-key weekend.

Photographers Zen



and I find myself drawn to discovery of these worlds, a sense of being on the edge of understanding, an essence of vitality extending itself to all life. I fight the need to quantify the numbers of ridges, catalog that myriad shades of brown, record the textures of the forest floor. Instead I sit. I breathe. I am. I photograph. I leave.

and I would love for one of these boxes to bare my name. In the middle of the forest, at the intersection of three dirt and rock roads, roads impossible to transverse under the weight of winters snow, yet I would put my name, my fire, and my love here, in the middle of the forest and each day I would trust God world's to show me a miracle.

A Different World


It has been a rough several weeks, my Mom is home and gaining her strength. She will be having physical therapy and occupational therapy in learning how to live with COPD, and the necessity of home and portable oxygen. She sounds strong and determined, and has been nearly a month without a smoke. Rachael, I and Mike have all been sick. An unspecified virus, but the doctor believes it was likely the H1N1 flu, they did not swab Rach or Mike, and mine came back negative ( she said the nasal swab was only 50-70% diagnostic), but the doctor told me she believed it was the flu, and prescribed Tamiflu. Whatever we had it shuts you completely down, sore throat, extreme exhaustion(eating and walking--to much work), respiratory distress(like breathing heavy air), and for me fever (Rach never had a fever-but everything else) Rach and I slept until we could not sleep anymore, the better part of 4 days straight, on the 5 th day we became human. I also had bronchitis before the viral sludge, which may be why I had such a hard time just getting air. Even super-Mike was laid low by the bug. Yesterday I rejoined the human race at least part-time, and today I am going to work a full day. I am still on drugs for the bronchial infection, but glad to feeling mostly like myself. I am behind in all things on all fronts, and my focus is to not fall any further behind. I am hoping that the doctor was right that I had H1N1 Flu and am now immune, but just in case I will likely still get the vaccine.

I have a poem and drawing in the October Issue of Autumn Sky Poetry, read poems and enjoy art by Theresa Senato Edwards & Lori Schreiner, J.L. Glenn & K.S. Bartow, Mel Goldberg, Guy Kettelhack, Rivka Keren, Carolyn Kreiter-Foronda, J.B. Mulligan, Kristine Ong Muslim, Katherine Riegel, Cheryl & Janet Snell, Janice D. Soderling, Rae Spencer, Ira Sukrungruang, and Donna Vorreyer. Its a beautiful issue of the romance between poetry and art and I am honored to be included.

I have been reading quite a bit and enjoying the poetry of my fellow poets, I hope to be able to share what has been catching my fancy of late. The photo, the forest floor near my dad's cabin in Alaska, he saw my black and white photos of mushrooms, and wanted to know what drew me to them, and I said, I think it is because I think of them a bit other worldly, a world within a world, unique microcosms. His response was to take me on a walk and show me where the native shrooms live. I really need a macro lens, or some photo tubes. this is the first of about 100 I took of Alaska shrooms, perhaps out of 100, I will find 10 that I like. I am mostly groovy, all things considered, happy to be here with those I love, and feeling lucky that it is not yet time to say goodbye to my Momma. I am blessed.

This is the day that the Lord hath made


One of my favorite songs(verses) and the next line is I will be glad and rejoice in it, I am wondering if God meant to include Mondays. Today I am home, and I am glad. I have spent nearly 30 hours in a car since Thursday, and my back, neck, shoulders and legs are barely functional. I was feeling sorry for myself when pain woke me up this morning, but then I remembered that I used to feel this ways for months on end, and since July the days I feel this way are the exception instead of the rule. My Mom is out of ICU, slowly gaining her strength, and will likely be home sometime in five to ten days. When she gets home is when it will be tough, she is going home with oxygen, a c-pap machine, a nebulizer and unable to smoke. I am hoping they give her a patch, or medicine to cut the craving for a smoke. My husband quit smoking this summer with the help of medicine, and has not smoked for 100 days. As I sat in her room watching how smoking has ravaged her body, I felt such gratitude towards Michael for quitting, for sparing Rachael and I, the effects of a lifetime of smoking. My mom is fantastic, she has always been a rock for me, a person who accepts me unconditionally, all of me, even my big goober side, I am damn lucky in my parents. I have learned much from her about life, love, about what is important in this world. She has always been fierce for us girls, now it is time for us to be fierce for her.

The photo, my cat Samantha (Sammie girl), this weekend we found a stray at our hotel, a little girl kitty that looked much my old cat Tommy. I wanted to bring her home; Mike said we would upset the cat pecking order in our home and that we hand no kitty vacancies( we have 5 for 3 people). When we went to leave Louisiana, I could not find the stray (I know I could of convinced him),so we came home without her. When I got home last night, all of our cats were exceptionally glad to see me as if they had EKP(extra-kitty perception). My cat in training M & M (mm-ers)even moved from his spot on the floor to acknowledge my existence and my husbands cat Disney, slept on my side of the bed. So perhaps it is best that we did not bring another cat to the mix. I am hoping some other hotel resident took that sweet girl home.

Today is Monday, and I have been out of the office for a week, last week our external e-mail server was down, and I was unable to check my work e-mail, so I know I will be buried in email, missed deadlines, and have a to-do list that will take me days to finish. I have to return my rental car, a follow up doctors appointment, and either Mike or I have to go get our puppy-dog, Blondie ( who is 14). So it is Monday, I am rejoicing in the everyday rhythm of my own life. Thanks to everyone for their prayers and healing thoughts for my Momma, please continue to keep her in your thoughts.

From the Archives



It's been a long week. This week it seems all I did was stay in perpetual motion, helping Rach stay on track with her homework, shopping for homecoming, physical therapy, doctor check-ups, flu-shots and end of fiscal year at work. In June Rach asked me to buy her tickets to a Blink 182/Fall Out Boy/All American Rejects concerts for her birthday, I did without checking to see if that date in September was a school night, it was. Wednesday night we went to a concert and crawled in around 1:00 am. I made myself a mental date to look at a calendar before I purchase concert tickets. The concert was great, more so because my friend Liana came in from Greenville (my home-town) with her son, I gave up my pit ticket to her son and she and I sat on the lawn, talked, played catch-up and let the music drift in and out of us. Thursday the building I work on made the 6 o'clock news when a terrorist was caught trying to start a fake bomb in the parking garage under our building, needless to say Friday was a bit strange at my office with the news crews hanging out at our front door. This week I lost 2 lbs and Rach 1.2 lbs--a good first week for both of us. Saturday my sister called to let me know they rushed my Momma to the emergency room, she has pnuemonia. My sister said she had been weak and unable to eat for several days, and that she became too weak to walk. She suffers from COPD, and even when she is well weighs no more than 100 pounds, she weighed less than 90 pounds when she went to the hospital. I talked to her on the phone, she sounded tired but her sense of humor was in place, a good sign. Im asking for prayers and well wishes for my Momma.

Change of Scenery




Photo of Seward Harbor, August 2009.

MyPyramid.gov



Well day 4 of the diet and I have already learned several things about myself and my daughter, first counting calories works great for me and Rach loathes the thought of it. Less than 1200 calories a day is almost impossible for me to maintain on a consistent basis, but I can easily stay within 1400 calories. Rach does not want to be introduced to leafy green vegetables. On Sunday we regrouped our strategy and went to the FDA website mypyramid.gov and fed in our profiles and customized food pyramids for the entire family. What we learned, is that according to the USDA I can lose weight and consume the recommended daily allowance of the basic food groups, grains, fruits, vegetables, milk and protein on 1600 calories, Rach on 2000, and Michael needs to double his food intake. The website has lots of calculators that allows you to calculate exchanges for common prepared items like frozen pizza, herb roasted potatoes, etc. It also lets you put in what you had and creates an bar graph of how you did each day. After four days of tracking what I eat, I learned a few interesting facts about my diet, I don't eat enough grain or milk. I eat double the daily recommended allowance of vegetables, nearly 5 cups in a day. almost all of the carbs in my diet are fresh fruits. The low grain is likely due to years of cutting carbs because of my diabetes, but I think I need to find a few complex grains and cut back on the fruits and if I can choke it down drink 8 ounces of skim milk with at least one of meals. I am hoping by sticking to nutritional needs instead of diet, my entire family will benefit from better nutrition. Its Monday, and surprisingly I am feeling groovy despite myself.

Me and Rach


Once again I am going to try to lose weight.  I have spent the last year bringing my blood sugar under control, trying to learn to exercise and focus on following the example of good health that my husband Michael has adopted. Michael after 25 years of smoking, has quit smoking, lost 70 lbs, and adopted exercise and healthy eating regime.  I am far from there yet, I still am at least 50 pounds overweight, and I am being generous with myself.  I have managed to bring my blood sugars under control and for the last 3 consecutive A1C have been in the optimum blood sugar control range, and the last A1C in the normal range, resulting in the lowering of two of my diabetes meds and one cholesterol medicine.  Still with all of this I can not manage to lose weight.  I started a new health regime with my daughter, we both are trying to lose 20 pounds by Christmas which if you do the math is 1.4 pounds a week, which means between exercise and food choices we need to reduce/burn 4900 calories a week or 700 calories a day.  I have asked Rach to contribute her thoughts on weight loss here, not sure she will, but we will see.   I am one of those diet statistics, that women who has tried every diet combination known to man, who loses/gains, gains/loses and about 10 years ago gave up on dieting as a matter of principle and instead focused on healthy eating and managing my blood sugars. I truly believe that a woman's self worth is not dependent on how she looks, but how she feels inside, and I have tried to not limit myself by being overweight, to still maintain a healthy image.  To keep healthy to keep active in both mind and body.  Why weight loss now?  I realized as my daughter struggles with the same genetics that I have, that she is at greater risk for diabetes and if I can help her and myself by studying healthy choices, having an open dialogue about weight issues, I can help her build a positive self image.  So we are loosely going to follow a 1200-1400 calorie a day diet, and try to exercise at least 3 times a week.  My total weight loss goal is 60 pounds, Rachaels is 25 pounds.  We will see how we do.

Happy 16th

My Beautiful Baby Girl!!

All Along the Watchtower

Photos from Lake Texoma, most taken from an observation tower overlooking the lake. A good but wet weekend at the lake, the horse back riding trails were washed out, so no horseback riding, but the girls still had a wonderful weekend, and I love just being nestled in the woods, near water, and away from the noise of the city. It's Monday, and no matter how hard I have petitioned the powers that be, Monday comes once every seventh day.

Read Any Good Books Lately?

I wrote six poems in 8 days, well actually 5 poems and one Loose Thought before I quit.  It's okay, it was a test to see if I was ready, I am not.  I missed the words, perhaps why I am still in hiatus, I will start working through old poems, revising and submitting.   I will do what I normally do when this happens, I will read.  I will photograph.  I will doodle.  I will post my thoughts on the books I read.  Let me know if you have read any good books lately? 

Doodle Art and New Pens

I love coupons, sales, gimmicks that store keepers use to bring me to their doors, in the hopes that I will buy more than the advertised special. I generally am pretty good at keeping to the sale items (not always). This weekend I went to Michael's with my 50% off coupon and purchased a set of calligraphy pens. I spent a bit of time Saturday night learning how the pens move, getting used to the weight of the pen, the amount of pressure needed to make lines of varying width and depth. I have been experimenting with my doodling tools, I have been doodling a long time ( most of my life), generally with bic pens and whatever paper is available, the last couple of years I have began to keep the best of these doodles, and the last six months I have began to explore tools of the trade, graduating from steno pads to sketch pads, and trying out a variety of pens and pencils, I have purchased graphite artists pencils, gel pens, roller-ball pens, fine and extra-fine sharpie markers , and lastly manga and calligraphy pens. So far I like the gel pens and the calligraphy pens the best, they seem to give crisp lines and sharp curves as well as the ability to vary the depth and boldness of black. Still I think them as doodles and not drawings, most evolve on their own, perhaps only hinting at the concrete. I find doing them relaxing and reassuring, a comforting abstraction.

Writing Again

I jumped into a 30 day challenge this week, lasted two days before my daughter became sick, but that's okay, I wrote 3 poems this week.  The first in a very long dry spell.  I am not sure of the new work,  I will have to see how it evolves, generally there is a shift, a subtle change of hue in my work between periods of hibernation.  The more I write poetry, the more convinced that I am not a modern poet, that by virtue of history, my work might belong in another time period, frankly I am okay with that.  I am finding that I become more and more protective of my work, I let the poems speak to me, tell me which ones to submit, which ones to sit and settle for awhile.  I am likely gaining the reputation of one who does not care to put their work out in the open, it's not true.  It is not that I mind rejection, frankly I anticipate most of my work will be rejected, it is more likely a matter of ineffective time management on my part. Ask my husband, I start more things than I finish, I constantly want to learn new things, this week two old friends of mine  were telling me about classes in paper making and hand dyeing, before I could stop myself, I asked them to send me the link to the classes.  Then I looked up and said, no don't I already have more hobbies than time.   I have the equivalent to creative ADD,  I love the process of creating--whether it be words, photos, flowers, art or even food. I am a creative junkie.  I can't help myself.   It feels good to be writing.

Even on a Cloudy Day





Photo taken from the plane as we were leaving Anchorage, I am still buried in photos trying to go through the ones I like and optimize them, finding the right balance of light, color and perspective. I am still very much the amateur and often find myself struggling between what I want to do and what i have the skill to actually do. My husband gave me Aperture 2 for my birthday, and I am waiting to the long weekend to install it and see what it and I can do. I am excited, this weekend I am going to take my camera and go out and photograph bridges, I find myself wanting to stop and photograph the little creeks and waterways that filter through our neighborhood, I have been mentally making a list of the ones I like, and this weekend I am going to ask Rachael if she wants to practice driving, and I am going to take my camera. Killing two birds with one stone. I wrote a poem yesterday, not really a good poem, but a poem, the first in nearly 3 months, and it felt right, like it was time to return to the words. I also sent in 3 poems to the Rattle Poetry Prize competition, my first submission since April, perhaps I am coming out of poetic hibernation. My chapbook An Insatiable Desire for Deja'Vu (special thanks to my husband for giving me the title) has been accepted by Flutter Press, and hopefully will be out in late 2009 or early 2010, it will be my first chapbook, and I am really excited. Thank-you Sandy.

10 Things

Its my birthday today, I am 46. I am happy, blessed and content on the morn of my 46th year. This week my husband and my daughter have asked me repeatedly what I wanted for my birthday, and I have told them everything from a winning lottery ticket, a cabin in Alaska to a visit from the house fairy. The house fairy comes while you are sleeping and takes care of all of those troublesome house details, paint, new floors, furniture...a instant home renovation, like those on HGTV but it all happens when you are comfortable spooned in the arms of your husband, snoring.

Here is my birthay wish list, the first item is what my Mom has asked for her entire life, and as a kid it drove me crazy. Here in middle age, I no longer shudder when I exhibit some of my mothers behaviors--I celebrate them, my Mom rocks.

1) Peace on Earth-Good will toward man

2) Continued good health, so I can spend more time with those two I love most. Mike and Rach.

3) My own cabin in Alaska or one I share with my sisters

4) To see my extended family more often, my mom, my dad, barbara, my fab four, my Granny Nixon and Pa Wilson, my sisters, my nieces, my nephews, my grand nieces and nephews, my cousins, aunts and uncles

5) A six month vacation

6) A visit from the house fairy (I did not get a Martha Stewart gene)

7) Quilting lessons from my Granny Nixon

8) Time to take a professional photography class

9) Time to earn the Texas Gardener certification ( 11 Mondays off and 200 volunteer hours)

10) To attend a writers retreat where either Mark Doty or Jack Gilbert are teaching.

It's a big wish list, just to hedge my bets, I also asked for new photo software, sound canceling head phones and a stand to ride my bike inside. I am groovy and happy and love life. I really don't need a thing. I am damn lucky. Thank-you God.

Sepia Postcards

I am  blessed , sometimes when you least expect it joy sneaks up on you and every now and then you get lucky and are aware of it.  There is an acknowledgement and peace of the preciousness of time, of being in the moment with those that you love, a perception of being fluid.  I am still processing photos, I am doing a series on Exit Glacier, how it has receded over time, I chose the sepia images to bring a sense of melancholy to the images, an awareness of the transitory nature of these glaciers.  My uncle took some photos 8 years ago of this glacier. He is going to send them to me, I want to compare the images, I am hoping he sends them electronically.  I am thinking I might write a piece on the glaciers, an essay I suspect.  As I stood on the edge of the ice field I was filled with such an incredible sense of awe, awareness and loss.  With God's grace I am feeling groovy.

Home Again and it Feels Good



I slept in my own bed last night and it felt good, real good. I have missed my husband and my home. Rach and I got in last night from Anchorage after a day that was much like a cross between Planes, Trains and Automobiles and a classic episode of The Twilight Zone. I spend nearly 5 hours in the transportation hell of "stand-by" passenger after the Anchorage Airport closed all but one of the security lines and myself and about 20 others missed the 7:30 am departure to Seattle. The photo of Exit Glacier, still processing photos and unwinding, mostly groovy.