Currents

We are empty nesters. It's odd. It's exciting. It's sad. It's a celebration. It has left me a bit off center as I have defined myself in my personal life as Rachael's mom.  I have signed notes to teachers, to other parents with my name and in parenthesis (Rachael's Mom).  Michael and I were cooking dinner on Tuesday and I said I really miss her today.  He said I miss her too, she is where she needs to be, she needs to find her own way. I told him I went in her room and it felt weird, as if she would be home any minute.  He said even when she comes home, it will be different. Not the same as having her here everyday. We are parents of an adult. This is how it is supposed to be, this is a good thing. He also added (because he is Michael), she better pass all of her classes.   I have been mulling this over the last couple of days.  I am enjoying the empty nest, exploring being a couple, thinking about taking a photography class, taking a trip with Michael, but like Rachael, perhaps I am still finding my way.

Eye Candy

Cycling

Taken at Saint Louis Cemetery near the French Quarter in New Orleans.

I am rusty in blogging. I have been out of pocket of all things creative for most of the last several years. I was remarking to my friend John (a artist) that perhaps creativity is somewhat cyclic. Perhaps what I meant to say is that the need to create is somewhat cyclic. I am finding that I have gotten more than a wee bit lazy on the creative front. I like to tell myself that is predominantly because I have been busy and focusing on other aspects of my life. This is both truth and lie. I have been focusing on work and family; savoring time with my daughter and husband. I am learning how to middle age nest and preparing for the next phase of my life (truth). I have had no time to focus on the creative (lie). I have had time here and there to create, to feed the creative, to photograph, draw, write and scrapbook and instead of doing so, I have settled in to an old movie, every episode of Law and Order (cool sound effect) and  vegetated or as my daughter would say, became one with the couch. I am highly proficient at being over-busy. I fill my day completely that at the end, all that is left of the cognitive and creative is little more than grey matter detritus.

I keep the spark alive by random acts of creativity and chance encounters of the poetic kind (a photographic book for my father, photos such as the one above, creating a news letter, a week or two of daily poeming, dropping into workshop, attending a class). Truth of the matter is that creativity takes work. Writing a poem that is publishable requires revising, submitting and facing rejection. Producing images that evoke emotion, that bring a moment to life and evoke thought take opportunity, insight and training.

The need to create in me is cyclic. The process of creating is hard work. I can't speak for anyone else. And so the cycle begins.

Just blog dusting.

 

Simply dusting off my blogs, both here and at Jumbo Petite.  I am thinking about consolidating the two blogs into one space. Not sure I have the technological skills to merge them the way I would like with two sections, but one url.  Might have to ask my husband to help, one of the benefits of having a engineer husband. We are officially empty nesters, our daughter away at school.  We are both missing her and enjoying couple time.  It's an odd feeling, and I am struggling a bit more than my husband.  Especially with the stand back and let her make her own mistakes and solve her own problems.  I am trying to learn to be simply a safety net and not a spotter. She said to me yesterday, I know you are trying-but you need to try harder.  I don't want us to fall back into old patterns, so today with every step I take, I am going to say to myself, try harder, have faith and remember she's a great kid, trust her.  We will see how I do.   The photo one I took from the car-I was parked along the roadside, trying to catch the birds in flight--as soon as I pulled over to watch, the birds quit practicing their take-offs. I suspect there is a lesson in that for me.