What was I Thinking?


Yesterday I took Rachael back to the orthopaedic doctor, the final verdict was a hairline fracture and a partial tear to the ligament. The good news is that the doctor believes surgery is not necessary, the bad news is that it will be at least 12 weeks before she can participate in sports again, her summer will include a hard cast, a soft cast and physical therapy. No mosh pits (yes she actually asked the doctor if at concerts could she go in the mosh pit), no summer gymnastics, and perhaps no gymnastics again, the doctor told her if she had another sport she loved, to keep it in mind, just in case. All in all her spirits are good, she was really frightened about the prospect of anaesthesia, and is excited that hard cast part is only 3 weeks. I lasted only 2 days in a 30 day challenge, my poorest performance to date, and once again I am behind in all things. Rachael has 6 days of school left, and because of the arm, is having a hard time finishing up her end of year projects, where I have now become the typist, hopefully by Friday she will be caught up and we can all relax for summer. The same rose as before, photo taken with the new camera on the macro-setting, I am getting a little better at using the new camera, but miss the Nikon, I see a macro lens in my future. Really a camera is like a pair of shoes, a woman can not have too many.

Roses and Thorns

After every girl scout event, the girls play a game called Roses and Thorns, where we ask each girl to say something they liked, and something they found challenging.   This weekend I played Roses and Thorns, the Thorn being that Rachael broke her elbow, and we were not able to go backpacking, the Rose being that I had a wonderful weekend at home.  Rachael may have to have surgery on her elbow, we will know on Tuesday (thorn) , however she realized this weekend that she is still somewhat dependent on her Mom and Dad (rose) and that she still likes us (rose); even though she hates that (thorn).  I also realized that I still need to mother her a bit, at times I get so frustrated at her for not being more self sufficient, for not stepping up to the plate, that I just want to beat my head against the wall, this weekend we cuddled in, we watched movies, I babied her a bit, and yet at the end of day, she came to me and said thanks Mom.  She also said, I hate being dependent on others, I can't even wash my own hair, and I said we will do it together, and she said thanks Mom. She is maturing, perhaps not at the rate I did, but we are getting there, and sometimes a little adversity is good for growth, perhaps in three years she will be ready to leave the nest.  I played in my garden, wrote a few new poems, and jumped into a 30 day challenge with the thought of excercising poetic muscles, trying new things, exploring topics that are tabu--perhaps working off of prompts, focusing on craft, and learning.  The poems coming out of this excercise might not end up being my best, but I suspect the ones that follow the excercises will be better.    I am mostly groovy. The photoa rose left on my porch by a fellow girl scout leader, a much needed cheer me up on Friday morning after Rachael broke her arm. 

Backpacking and other Minutia

Tomorrow I am going backpacking in Arkansas with a wonderful group of young women and three fantastic women. I am looking forward to it, I have never been backpacking before--this will be mine and a few of the girls first time, and I am a bit nervous, but I think physically I am up to it,and emotionally I am ready. The thought of being away from civilization for three solid days sounds like heaven, I am taking my bible, blank paper and pen, two books, my noisy brain and my new camera. My husband and my daughter gave me a Olympus Stylus Tough 8000 for a combination mothers day/anniversary present and this will be the first time I will be trying it out. Everything we need for three days we will be carrying in on our backs, I have been thinking it will be turtle-esqe. I am still a bit behind in all things, on all fronts, School lacks 10 days if you are counting, and we are counting, with bated breath, as once again my daughter is walking the edge in a few of her classes. I think she will come in over the wire. I am tired, she is tired, and honestly it will be nice to have three months where we don't argue over school, I miss her and frankly I think she misses me. Poetry wise I have been receiving rejections right and left, one rejection sucked my air out, and one rejection breathed life and resolve back into my poets heart. I will not have a poem in the Texas Poetry Calendar, which broke my heart, but I will try again next year, the Texas Poetry Calendar is a wonderful publication and I hope everyone continues to support it, I know I will. I also received a rejection from Hanging Loose, but with ink, they wrote, these letters have merit, please send us something new. I am looking for something new, I have started to send out my chapbook, keep your fingers crossed that I find a home for it.

Inside Bone There's Always Marrow



I love chapbooks, I think of each book as an individual work of Art, as a reader I feel like its an oppurtunity to begin a conversation, sit down and get to know another poet over a cup of tea, a mug of coffee, or a glass of wine. I have been reading Rachel Mallino's chapbook, Inside Bone There's Always Marrow. Rachel is a friend and the warden (founder) of the inmates at Inside the Writers Studio. She is also the founder and editor of Tilt Press, a small independt press that supports new and emerging writers. I found her book surprising, full of both hard protective edges and soft tender spots much like bone. As I sipped my cup of tea, I found at times I wanted to hi-five her for her incredible sense of self and independence, other times to reach across the room to give her a hug, often I found myself nodding yes and yes as I read. A wonderful conversation about life, love and poetry; a beautiful work of Art from Rachel Mallino. I would recommend that you sit down with a cup of tea and meet Rachel. The book is available at Maverick Duck Press for 5 dollars.

Forget-me-Nots

I had a wonderful mother's day, we hung around the house and pretended to be a family and it was wonderful. My husband did some work for me in the zen garden, restaining my table, moving and refurbishing our aging grill, and my daughter vacuumed and hung outside with us, forsaking even her texting for a few hours. We grilled steaks and chicken and then Rachael and I cuddled in the floor of the den and watched Disney Movies, we watched Beauty and the Beast, Mulan and Anastasia ( which is technically not a Disney Movie) ate cookies and cream ice cream and just snuggled in. My husband also gave me a "a coupon" for the macro lens, told me to send him the link and he would order whatever lens I wanted. I actually decided not to get the lens, but instead decided on a Olympus Tough Digital Camera, one with super macro capabilities (focus length at 2cm), the camera is shock proof and water proof to 33 feet and it is 100 dollars less than the cheapest of the macro lenses. The bonus is that I will once again have a good purse camera, my last purse camera was a Casio (which I loved) but my girl scouts dropped it and it was toast. I have borrowed either Michael's or Rachael's when I needed a small camera so this new camera is the proverbial two birds with one stone; macro capabilities and the joy of always having a camera with me and the ability to take underwater photos. So very damn cool beans. I finished my draft chapbook and am mostly happy with it, I sent it to two friends for comments, I even printed it out and folded it so it looks like a real book, and it felt good. We will see how I do. My friend Chrissie, wrote a wonderful essay on the role of mothers, that made me whoop and holler. I think that as parents it is not our job to make our children happy, it is our job to give them the tools to seek their own happiness. Her essay is beautiful and eloquently written, you can check it out on her blog November Sky. I had Rachael read it last night, and she said nodding her head, well I could be happy if you bought me those 90 dollars Lucky jeans. I said nice try. She said you can't blame a girl for trying, and then said I love you Mom. The flowers forget-me-nots they reseeded themselves from last year, volunteers as I like to call them, one of my favorite things.

Lily and Me

I have been in the garden, the rain has brought new flowers.  I read a quote today from Ansel Adams that spoke to me, 

When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence. --Ansel Adams

so for now I am still mostly silent. 

Touch: The Journal of Healing

I just wanted to take a few moments to say what a beautiful journal this is, I am honored and humbled to have my poem in the debut issue. The journal is filled with such beauty in words and in image, I am in awe. The editors O.P.W and Daniel did a incredible job and I am just tickled to be included. Please visit the journal to read works by Dennis Greene, Ed Bennett, Esther Greenleaf Mürer, Laura Levesque, Maria Basile, Bebe Cook, Yvette Wiley, Christine Klocek-Lim, Larina Warnock, Colin Ward, Stephen Bunch, Mary Susan Clemons, Donal Mahoney, Alarie Tennille, Sherry O’Keefe, Toni L. Wilkes, Murray Alfredson, Christian Ward, and Arti Subramanian.

Blair



and other stories, more or less. This frog made its way to my swimming pool on Sunday night, as I turned the lights out I saw movement in the water. I went outside thinking it was a lizard which get washed into the pool from the waterfall, where they like to sun. Much to my surprise I found a frog. We have toads that I find from time to time in the garden, but generally not true frogs with web feet. I think of Frogs as needing more water than toads and associate them with ponds and creeks. We have several small creeks that run through the neighborhood, and if my zoology is right, frogs just need a pond to lay their eggs and can survive in any moist place. This frog was enjoying the pool, swimming all over the bottom of the pool, and then resting on the ledge to catch a breath and then swimming again. I was worried that the frog could not get out of the pool, but kept checking back and it seems my worries were for naught. I used to have a toad ( also named Blair) that lived in the zen garden in a terra-cotta planter under a huge tree. Year after year a toad would make its home in the pot--likely a new toad each year, but I named them all Blair. It seemed to be easier, and I liked the thought of my garden being real-estate for the resident toad population. A family vacation home for toads. Three years ago, we lost the big tree in the zen garden, it was split into two halves by wind. With every gust of wind; each half of its massive trunk began to beat like a heart. The tree was old, according to the arborist not salvageable; we were forced to cut the tree down. Without the tree the garden dynamics changed from a shade to a full sun environment, and many of the species planted did not survive the brutal Texas heat. The following year the toad family did not return to the terra cotta planter. No summer house. Now I have frogs in the pool garden, life is good.

Happy Anniversary

We were married May 3, 1986, twenty-three years today. Marriage is hard work, we have been lucky, we have had good, bad and in-between years, but we have always faced them together, hands held. I love you my Michael.

Shrooms

We have had glorious rain all week, which introduced these mushrooms to my yard and garden, I have been watching them as they propagate and last night I crawled out on my knees to photograph them. I am not sure what draws me to the dank, the musty, the organic, the pungency of the earth that seems to be captured in mushrooms. I find that I like to see the colonies, the shelf like species, last year I had some wood mushrooms that kept creeping up my fence-line but I neglected to photograph them. I am keeping my camera charged these days, and mentioned in passing to my husband, that perhaps I needed a new camera body, one with more f-stops, and his only question was could I use my current lenses. I need to buy that macro-lens first--maybe for Christmas I could ask for a Nikon D80. I think this weekend I am going to bite the bullet and order a macro-lens, perhaps not the Nikon lens, it is close to 500 dollars and a knock-off is half the price. I had a poem accepted by Touch: The Journal of Healing, which will be out in May, I am excited to be included in the debut issue, as I have much respect and admiration for the editor. The swine flu still has me a bit nutso--but I have pulled my fear out in the open and am doing my best to stay on the normal side of odd. So far I am succeeding.