Head in the clouds

above New Mexico, I think.  There is less than 48 hours until I go on vacation. I mean if you're counting.  Also if you're counting there are about a billion things that I have to get done before I leave the office tomorrow at 5:00.  I am feeling confident that most will get done, and those that don't will just have to wait. This vacation is a sort of recalibration time for me, as of 10:36 last night the project that I have been working on for nearly a year is officially moving to the next stage, about 3 months behind schedule.  It feels good. This project has taken the majority of mine and a fantastic team of dedicated individuals time for 11 long months.  We are not done, the project will likely take another 12-16 months, but much of that time will be in cycles and hopefully mainly fine-tuning.  I feel like doing a happy dance.  Okay I did do a happy dance.  I miss writing, photography and spending time with my friends.  I am hoping that during this vacation I can recharge, recalibrate and simply soak up the quiet.

More Lost and Found

Mostly groovy. Mostly happy.  Feeling thankful and blessed. More of the Niagara film shots.  This weekend I an nesting, lollygagging and finishing up commitments before my vacation starts in early October.   We are taking our daughter and her friend to Mississippi to visit USM and go camping with my family.  I am looking forward to seeing everyone, I am not looking forward to the 10 hour drive to get there.  It will be the first time we have tried to pack everything in the Versa.  I think it will be quite the packing challenge, oddly I believe Michael will be able to make it happen.  He and Rach both are spatial--can mentally fold boxes, always know which way is north, and can visualize mult-dimensional.  If anyone can pack a 4 day road trip with cabin camping into myVersa's 17.8 cubic feet hatchback, it's my Michael.   I am looking forward to the trip, my family and perhaps seeing where our Rach might go to college.  

More

More of the lost and found film.  I find I am missing the creative.  I started a scrapbook for my daughter, perhaps it will require a bit of the creative me.  Her life to now in 84,  12" x 12"  pages. Though honestly the entire scrapbook project terrifies me.  It took 2 hours at the store for me to settle on the appropriate color scheme, palette, for her book.  My husband deserves an A+ for going with me.  I am sure I looked at all 300 choices.   I know he wanted to simply say, just pick something. Finally I settled on a vintage sort of palette, of grays, pinks, and scrolling things, that will compliment the pink leather of the scrapbook I bought.  

I am also missing the words.  They are beginning to sneak out here and there, in blog posts, notes to friends. I have no time for writing.  I can't even pull a submission together for a friend.  It seems I am simply exhausted at the end of my work day.  My brain is tired and when I get home all that is left is mush.  Brain mush, that still needs to take care of daily life mechanics.   I have never been this exhausted in my entire life.  Soon I am on vacation for 10 days, I am hoping that it helps charge the batteries and washes away the tired.

Found Film

I believed that I ddiscovered photography with my first decent digital camera. Prior to 2006 I owned only one decent camera, a Cannon Sure Shot 35 mm that my sister Kim gave me for my birthday.  Before that I was merely a disposable kind of camera girl.  I also had a Kodak 110 and a Poloroid 600.   Recently I developed 22 rolls of film that had collected themselves in the hollows of my home, a Christmas roll tucked within a decoupage box of angels, abandoned canisters that rolled beyond surface glances of  opened drawers, point and shoot cameras that huddled en masse in plastic tubs, errant rolls in the kitchen counter catch all...more than 15 years of the undeveloped.  Most of the point and shoots were Rachael's, most of the rolls were mine.  I am still uploading the photos.  I found this picture on a roll I took in 2006, on a girls trip to Niagara. I took these with my Cannon. I also took many pictures on that trip with my sister's digital camera and I suspect that because of the number of photos I took with the digital, these rolls were deemed unimportant--and I abandoned them. 

I remember this shot.  We are behind the falls, covered in black plastic,stockaded behind a sheet of water.  I sense  forms entombed by the mist. I shudder, my fingers trace a fissure of stone. I am reassured by solid.   Thoughts: airbrushed into existence:  I am hungry: I am mass: It is early: I am wet.

Sometimes

 I just want to throw my head back and howl. Today is one of those days.  Last night my daughter and I had what might be one of many arguments about college.   I also went to the parents meeting at her high school about the college application process.  Which I found added another level of deadlines and expectations to the process.  We are a bit behind the curve on this entire selecting a college thing. I whigged out a bit on my daughter.  At times we are oil and water.  No we are more like fire and match.  I tend to want to have a plan, and not just one one plan, several alternate plans and she is more like --just roll with it--- We both leave these conversations with rolling eyes, heavy sighs and a bit of drama ( these traits of hers--she inherited from me).   She has several schools on her wish list, that frankly we can not afford.  College costs have risen at twice the rate of inflation and a 4 year degree at a state school in Texas/w room and board is close to 20,000 per year.  A out of state tuition college choice is nearly double the in-state price and private universities are any where from 20,000 to 50,000 a year.  It's insane.  Simply insane.  Her top 2 choices are out of state colleges with no out of state waiver policy---and simply the 42,000 a year is not within the budget.  As far as financial aid based on need, we will not qualify, we make to much to qualify for need based assistance and not enough to pay outright.  We are in the proverbial between a rock and a hard place.  Some schools offer small merit scholarships that perhaps she could qualify for, but likely not enough to meet the gap.  So we are still struggling to find a good fit for her, that has her degree, that we can afford, and that she is excited about.  I hope we find one quickly.  I would really love to spend this last year together enjoying being a family.

I am a Hobbit and other Fairy Tales

Truth of the matter is that I am not truly 100%   human.  I for all practical purposes am a genetic fall back from middle earth.  I suspect Hobbitism is a recessive genetic trait.  My parents both humans of considerable height ( my dad is 6'2" and my mom is 5'7"), my sisters are all between 5'4" and 5'7".   I myself am just a shy bit over 5 feet.  Which according to Tolkien is a bit tallish for a hobbit.  I am willing to concede that my genetic soup might have in addition to my hobbit genes a bit of human DNA.   I am not the only hobbit in my family.  As my daughter said recently when in the company of myself and her cousins Jennifer and Heather--I really do come from a family of Hobbits. My husband took this picture in Alaska, then promptly texted it to our daughter-with the caption "Mom really is a Hobbit".   Below from the Tolkien prologue to The Lord of the Rings and copied from dummiesdotcom--the major characteristics of hobbits.   I possess 10 of the 13 traits below.  I suspect there are worse things being a Hobbit. 

from Dummies.com: 

Before considering what hobbits really meant to Tolkien, you need to picture them as Tolkien designed them. In the Prologue to The Lord of the Rings, Tolkien asserts that hobbits are distantly related to humans and acquaints readers with all their vital statistics. According to this Prologue, hobbit characteristics include the following:

•A height of between two and four feet


•Feet with tough, leathery soles covered in hair (they seldom wear shoes)-
( I have to shave my toes and my feet are nearly square and I frankly I think shoes are overated)


•Long skillful fingers


•A tendency towards chubbiness
( I prefer the term jumbo-petite)


•Little or no facial hair
( thankfully absolutely no facial hair)


•An ability to disappear swiftly and silently
( I can move quietly and swiftly if I am in the search of food, fun or music)


•Excellent hearing and sharp eyesight
( excellent hearing, eyesight not so sharp--I succumb to the humanness of near sightedness)


•No understanding of machinery more complicated than the watermill, forge bellows, and the hand loom

( I believe that technology should work out of the box--and if it doesn't work outside of the box-it should go back in the box. I don't care how it works only that it works-also why I married an engineer)

•A delight in wearing bright colors, particularly yellow and green
( green is my favorite color, as is brown, I have a penchant for brightly colored flower capri's)


•A love of food and drink (especially ale), eating a mere six times a day on average
( oh yes and yes.  Eating is about fellowship, family, friends and fun, and as a diabetic I have to eat every few hours to keep my sugars stabilized).


•A love of laughter, jests, games, and celebrations
This to me this is what life is about.  If we can not laugh and enjoy our gift of life, what is the point).


•A love of peace and quiet and "good tilled" earth
( I am a gardener at heart, connected to the earth, the cycle of the seasons, and simply am most content with my hands in the dirt).


•A particular love for the smoking of tobacco in small clay pipes