I am becoming boring. I get that. In some ways I embrace it. I find myself morphing into that woman, the one who embraces Mom Jeans,Ked Sneakers, and banded tops that's cover my mid line girth. I draw the line at embroidered tops with gingham trim and holiday dressing. Most days I wear my anklet bracelet, I love how it feels against my ankle, how this one singular thing makes me feel young and vibrant, despite the signs of aging in the mirror.
This week I was in the field, I worked 70 hours in 5 days, and I was being observed all week. I had a continual string of eyes following us, film crews, reporters, activists, industry, community, and government. There is something about being watched, being on display that is mentally and physically exhausting. I found that I was able to neutralize my very noisy brain, as if I had installed a magic breaker switch, and put into place a temporary shield to filter the randomness of my self. It wasn't until I came home that I began to process, as if the noisy brain was running full-steam in the background, taking notes on napkins, scribbling in the margins of grey matter, and nearly 48 hours later, safe in my own space I am still there reprocessing the weeks events.
I find that despite age and experience I still like people, people who belong and believe in the sense of community, people who fish their ponds, grow their own vegetables and make chow-chow with 10 different varieties of peppers. Young college graduates that are committed to the environment, artists who build sculptures out of driftwood. I remember watching the camera man film a sample team leaving a residence, how he was waiting for me to follow the crew out , how instead I walked behind the house. This one thought I had in my head, no-way is my fat ass going to be on national TV.
Photos of an abandoned church and road, the fog an effect of me breathing on the lens.
I am glad to be home, this morning I ordered three pair of pants from Lane Bryant, khaki, navy, and black and three Bohemian blouses. Perhaps a more palpable version of Mom Jeans, but no way am I getting rid of my Keds or my ankle bracelet.
4 comments:
love the foggy church photo.
if i were watched for a week I'd crack to pieces.
Sarah,
Thank-you for the kind words on the foggy church, when I get a minute I have a few more of the church. I didn't crack, but it is likely only because I start out a bit cracked most of the time. Hope you are well and feeling mostly groovy.
I agree, the church photos are hauntingly beautiful. Very nice shots. I could so relate to this entry. I feel myself becoming a bore as well (but I don't think you're boring at all). Middle age is starting to suck (mostly due to wrinkles, love handles, and a metabolism that's died). When I find it again I'll let you know...lol. And I think Keds are classically stylish.
Hi Sandy,
If you find the miracle metabolism, please share. Thanks for the kind words about the church photo, I am proud of them. Keds rock!! Truthfully I am happier and more at ease with myself now than I have ever been, perhaps the up side to middle age.
hugs
:) brenda
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